Mr. Patrick Flower,
The Cedars.

Dear Mr. Atu,

Thank you for your prompt reply. First let me lay aside your concerns re: Father O'Rory. He is bound by the rules of the confessional. Wild horses, of which there are very few in Little Sowerby, could not drag a single word from his lips.

As for your Security Company fellows, I will offer to pay them £50k (FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS OF STERLING) on the successful completion of our operational master plan.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Patrick Flower.

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Kla'atu,
United Planets Refugee Camp

Dear friend Patrick,

Why are you not understanding what I am telling you? These Security Company fellows say money now. Please, good friend, send 5,000 sterlings fast. These peoples are becoming impotent.

Your very good friend,

Kla'atu

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Mr. Patrick Flower,
The Cedars.

Dear Mr. Atu,

We have a problem.

Father O'Rory was discussing the finer points of Vatican policy with the bishop over drinks last night when a mishap occurred. Apparently, one bottle of White Horse was able to achieve what several wild horses could not.

The bishop knows all and is demanding £10,000 in gold. Apparently he does not trust currency – possibly something religious, although neither the good father nor I could trace the reference.

Unfortunately, as a British citizen, I cannot hold large sums of gold without a license. Please send £15,000 in gold at once. I can then pay the bishop and send your Security Company fellows £5,000 by return.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Patrick Flower.

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Kla'atu,
United Planets Refugee Camp

Dear friend Patrick,

My hearts are blackened by your news. But please, my good friend, offer the bishop AT$1M in GOLD as gratification to be taken from expenses after successful conclusion of our operational master plan.

In the meantime, please send 5,000 cash sterlings. Security Company fellows now very very impotent.

Your good friend,

Kla'atu