Mr. Patrick Flower,
The Cedars.

Dear Mr. Atu,

I fear the bishop must be related to your Security Company fellows for he has turned down your generous offer of one million Antarean dollars in gold.

Please send £15,000 in gold as soon as possible. I have discussed the matter at length with Father O'Rory and we both agree that the bishop is the bigger danger to our plans. Once we have placated him then we can sort out your Security Company fellows – I believe there are tablets for that sort of thing.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Patrick Flower.

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Kla'atu,
United Planets Refugee Camp

Dear friend Patrick,

What is this you are telling me! I offer you the Power of Anthony and all you talk about is gold! My mother she say maybe you not the man to champion a business of such magnitude. Please, my good friend Patrick, think of your many families. You must follow my instructions. Send 5,000 sterlings or my mother will wash her hairs with you.

Offer bishop another AT$1M in gold, which I am offering you from my own parentage.

Your good friend,

Kla'atu

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Mr. Patrick Flower,
The Cedars.

Dear Mr. Atu,

Father O'Rory conveyed your most generous offer to the bishop this morning and, I am relieved to say, he accepted.

You can imagine my elation at the news. As, no doubt, you can imagine my shock when I received a visit from the Sisters of Perpetual Vigilance – a covert order of warrior nuns reporting directly to the Vatican. Apparently they've been investigating the bishop for weeks and recorded all his conversations with the good father.

I fear the game is up. The sisters do not appear to be open to bribery, or commission, and worse - they are not a silent order.

We have but one hope. Father O'Rory has a contact in Jesuit Special Ops. If he can intercede on our behalf we may yet be able to proceed as planned.

I will keep you informed.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Patrick Flower.

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Kla'atu,
United Planets Refugee Camp

Dear Patrick,

Why are you not sending me this money I asked you? Why you listen to these women?

Send money now. If 5,000 sterlings too big, send what you have and I will have plenty words with Security Company fellows and make them understand the problem you are having with your sisters.

Yours as always,

Kla'atu